Got Milk? Yeah, Right Here In My Breasts.
My Friend Ain’t No Stripper
A friend of mine is once again baring her breasts in public.
No, she hasn’t returned to a career as an exotic dancer. She’s breast-feeding her third child. And I exaggerate. She doesn’t flash her flesh. She discreetly covers the baby and herself with a blanket before the critical unveiling. But judging by the shocked expressions she gets from lookers-on, you’d think she had yanked off her top in the middle of church and twirled nipple tassels while whistling “The Stripper.”
Society’s Disdain For Breastfeeding In Public
The sad truth is that our society is more comfortable using breasts to titillate (yes, I think that’s the perfect word choice) than to nourish. Even though breast milk contains disease-fighting antibodies, society only wants to see breasts flopping out of halter tops, swim suits and evening gowns, especially if the flopping is in the interest of capitalism. Breasts are the O negative blood type of the advertising world; they’re the universal marketing tool that sells everything from air filters, beer and eyeglasses to jet skis, cigarettes and furniture. We’ve all seen those ads that seem to imply: “Buy this leather love seat and buxom beauties will line up for a chance to give it a test drive.” But when my friend uses her breasts in the way nature intended, faces redden and gazes avert.
Now, if she were at the swimming pool and her top fell off when she dove into the water, my friend would likely get “high scores” from all the poolside guys. You know the ones I’m talking about. Those poolside guys who ogle at you from behind their books and newspapers. Yet some of those same lounge-chair lizards freak out when a mother nurses her baby, and they demand the lifeguard to tell the mother to either cease and desist, or leave. Which leads to the big question: if lifeguards are now certified in CPR and Decency Patrol, why aren’t they busting men in Speedos?
Get Over It! Breastfeeding Is Good For Babies
We need to educate all of the “oglers” and “lifeguards” in our lives. They need to know that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that babies be exclusively breast-fed for the first six months of their lives. The next time these people’s delicate sensibilities are offended by the sight of a woman feeding her child, they need to be told that children who are breast-fed have a lower risk of Type I and Type II diabetes, and that women who breast-feed are not as likely to develop breast or ovarian cancer.
Society needs to get over its tittie fixation.
And why can’t we call them what they are? Breasts. Not boobs, jugs, bazooms or knockers. Breasts. No wonder people squirm in the presence of a mother feeding her child when we can’t bring ourselves to say the word. Maybe La Leche League, in its efforts to promote breast-feeding, has gotten it all wrong. They should start a campaign that refers to breast-feeding as “jug-feeding.”
When my sons were young, I considered myself a breast-feeding militant. I didn’t wave a fist and chant “Lactation Nation,” but I nursed whenever and wherever was necessary. I fed them in parks, shopping malls, restaurants, libraries and museums. We breast-fed on planes, trains, boats and buses. I even breast-fed while we were riding on the New York City subway, where we were just two faces in the crowd. My one regret I have is that I never conducted a sociological experiment on what it’s like to nurse at Hooters.
My friend called the other day to tell me she was already tired of it. Tired of the lack of support for her decision to breast-feed, tired of people thinking what she was doing was icky. She’d just returned from the hospital where a mammogram technician refused to x-ray a cyst because it would be messy and “milk will get everywhere.” Apparently milk’s categorized with pus and blood.
We decided breast-feeding needed a new PR campaign. The old arguments were outdated. Who cared about fewer ear infections and allergies or the increased bond between mother and child? So what if breast-feeding was more convenient than boiling bottles and mixing formula and way less expensive?
It was time to change tactics.
The nursing bra and pullovers with their discreet slits had to go. If a breast-feeding mother can be charged with indecent exposure while a thong-wearing woman is embraced by society, my friend needed a new image.
She needed to go bra-less and don a wet T-shirt!
Who knows? She might end up getting a job selling riding lawn mowers.
image: inventorspot.com
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this! I am so disgusted by the way so many in our society view breastfeeding and especially breastfeeding in public. I nursed my daughter whenever and wherever as well. I remember some of the dirty looks I would get when I sat on the couch outside of Borders. Yes, the mall had a nursing room, but it was on the opposite side and I was NOT going to allow my child to scream in hunger while I walked over there when there was a perfectly good couch right in front of me.
Shortly after my daughter weaned, I remember reading a story about a woman who asked to use a dressing room at Victoria’s Secret to nurse her baby. She was told that it would be unsanitary for the other customers. I fumed! Here’s a store that displays scantily clad breasts (yes, breasts – couldn’t agree with you more on that point too) for the marketting appeal.
This line literally had me staring at the screen with my mouth gaping open, “just returned from the hospital where a mammogram technician refused to x-ray a cyst because it would be messy and ‘milk will get everywhere.’” Unbelievable!
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Dayle, I remember those dirty looks, too. It always boggled my mind, and I never knew whether to laugh or cry at people’s ignorance. I also remember that Victoria’s Secret story. Scream-inducing!
I’m glad you hung in there for your daughter!
I nursed my daughter until she was 15 months old…and she weened herself. She just decided one day she was done and that was it. My breasts, however, were not pleased and I kept producing for 5 more months AND got my first breast infection. This was AFTER my daughter stopped nursing.
I didn’t go out much back then, but people who knew I was nursing would say things like “She has teeth, it’s time to stop” or “How can you still breastfeed? She can walk and eat solid food.” That always pissed me off. I went through hell in order to nurse my child. She nearly died at birth and was in the NICU for 18 days. I started pumping a mere 2 hours after having an emergency c-section and did so every two hours thereafter until she came home. I had milk in my freezer for months. When I wasn’t producing enough milk, I took a drug that would help increase it, even though it made my postpartum worse. I drank Mother’s milk tea, ate extra oatmeal and did anything and everything I could to keep my supply up.
When we went to the in-laws, I was glared at for nursing my baby in the living room. I was also chastised for being late because I had to stop to nurse my child.. I was told “you could just feed her in the car”. Really? Now how would that work, exactly? My baby, by law, must be in a car seat. My breasts are attached to my chest and not removable. So I should take my baby out of the safety of her infant seat IN A MOVING CAR just so I won’t be late to your get together? I’m sure THAT would have gone over well with the CHP officer. NOT.
My husband’s mother and sister did not nurse their babies. My MIL because she said my hubby was allergic to her milk and my SIL gave up after 3 days. The fact that I was nursing my baby was shocking to them. They even tried to make me give her formula…any way they could. By which, I mean that Child Protective services was called on me with a claim that my baby was underweight, not being fed and a vague report of abuse. No, I’m not kidding.
Of course no charges were ever filed and my baby grew up fine and healthy. She is now 6 years old and smart as a whip. She does not get sick often and is my joy.
I truly believe that is because I breatfed her for so long. I actually miss the closeness we had then. I miss snuggling her as she suckled and then fell asleep in my arms. It truly was a bonding experience. Even today, I sometimes have her snuggle with me in bed for naps. Breastfeeding is by far the best thing for both you and your child. I hate that most companies do not allow women the extra time or sanitary places to pump while at work…it’s why so many women give up after returning to work.
Breasts are for men, not babies, right? This sentiment needs to change.
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Shan, I’m so sorry for all you went through. Wow. I suffered through the looks and inane comments but had the support of my in-laws and certainly never received a visit from CPS. You’re a strong woman to fight so hard for your daughter. I salute you.
omg i love your post! in north america, people have problem with breast feeding and i don’t understand why! everywhere else, it’s just normal but here, it’s taboo, we shouldn’t do it, especially not in public places… that’s stupid!!!
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I don’t get the North American issue, either. As you said, Marie.. it’s stupid!
Seriously? That mammogram tech needs to be reported to the hospital or facility where she works. TOTALLY inappropriate.
I wish I was making it up about the mammogram tech, but I wasn’t. True story.
Just what I was thinking.
Ditto. I haven’t really seen anyone have a problem with it but then again I live in California. Rock on! LOL Great post!
California does tend to be more enlightened about certain things but it does seem to be a societal issue.
Hear hear! Great post. Yes, breastfeeding needs a PR campaign. Or maybe Americans could take a cue from the rest of the world and just get over it.
Jen {at} take2mommy recently posted..The donuts and the pinky finger
I love your attitude – get over it, already!
Too funny, but that mammogram technician should have been fired on the spot.
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I think my friend was so stunned by the whole situation she couldn’t even collect her thoughts to file a complaint. I’ve been so taken off guard by things I couldn’t react at the time, either. Wish I’d been there to speak up on her behalf.
I agree with you- I’ve had waitstaff ask me to take my babes to the bathroom to nurse and I told them I would as soon as they ate their own dinner in there first!
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No way! I never had anyone ask me to leave before but I’ve gotten plenty of looks. I love how you handled the ridiculous “request”!
Great post. I breast fed, and it was hard, with all the criticism I got. ugh. I fed him anywhere & everywhere; I just covered my chest for my comfort. I would have gone NUTS if anyone told me “you can’t do that here.” Thankfully, no one did; but it was frustrating to hear all the criticism and complaints from friends and family.
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Good for you on sticking to your decision to breast-feed. It’s tough when we don’t have support from family plus interference from society.
I’ve noticed this, too. Breasts are considered sexy…unless they’re nursing a baby. (They’re sexy when they’re nursing an adult, but that’s a different story altogether.) When they’re used to feed the mouths of babes, people just call them disgusting. I don’t get why, either, and I agree that it’s unfair. I would love to breastfeed when I become a mom.
Here from #commenthour.
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I hope when you do become a mother you remember all the people here who support your choice to breast-feed!
I can’t lie, it weirds me out a little bit when I see it, BUT I’m convinced it’s because I’m not yet a mommy. I do think i will be whipping the twins out whenever the heck I want to when my turn to have little humans comes.
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I understand it making you a bit uncomfortable just because you’re not used to it, but being “weirded out a little bit” is way different from being disgusted and requesting a nursing mother leave an establishment. I hope you get the chance to breast-feed someday.
I have to say, breastfeeding in public seemed a bit weird to me, but I got over that fast after I had my son and decided to breastfeed him. The kid had to eat; and if I ever wanted to be away from him for more than 45 mins, I had to learn to breastfeed in public! For me, I was more comfortable just putting him up under my shirt; he felt cozy there and I was still covered. If anyone saw me, they averted their eyes and ran the other way. You know, GOD FORBID someone should see a BOOB. *eyeroll* Hubby thought it was funny.
Lots of things change after you have a baby! You do things you never though you’d do.
I absolutely agree! Having a kid changes so many things in terms of becoming an advocate for the child’s well-being and also being willing to do what’s needed.
I was the only one in both my family and my husband’s family to breastfeed and yes they were kind of freaked out. I don’t think my MIL ever got over the fact that she didn’t feed her grandchildren bottles. I also breastfed everywhere. I breastfed my newborn in The Cheesecake Factory while eating lunch with my MIL and my GMIL. I think they were horrified, but it made sense- I was hungry and she was hungry.
I love the Hooters experiment – if I was still breastfeeding I would be on board!
#commenthour
I’d say The Cheesecake Factory experiment is pretty close to the Hooters experiment. Congrats on standing strong in the face of not-so-great family support!
I nursed my daughter for more than 2 years… I completely agree with this entire post. I just can’t understand what the problem is. Why don’t people get it? Breasts were made for feeding babies… why is that so hard to understand. Congrats on being featured on #commenthour I’m subscribing, because I really like what you’re doing here.
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Thanks for stopping by to lend your support, Jackie.
“Why don’t people get it?” I wish I knew. But maybe the more we talk about it, the less “icky” breast-feeding will seem.
It’s funny because I breastfed my son for 19 months and I don’t recall getting a single weird look. I wasn’t shy about doing it in public, at restaurants, anywhere we were. Maybe I just wasn’t paying attention?
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Amy, I’m so glad you had a stress-free experience. Maybe you just were focused on what you needed to focus on – nursing your child – and so missed all the extraneous “noise.” That’s the way it should be.
I am breastfeeding right now!
I live in Indiana, and am in my 56th month of breastfeeding (3 kids – 28m, 22 m, 6m and counting) and only once in all that time has anyone given me any crap about it (in St Thomas, in the courthouse while my friends were picking up their marriage license).
I’m not uber-covered, either. I never use a “hooter hider” or a blanket. I just pull up my t-shirt, deploy the nursing bra flap, and go for it.
Could it be the way your friend nurses that is somehow freaking people out? You say she’s discreet… Maybe if she lost the blanket (which just SCREAMS “I’m breastfeeding under here!” which is why I don’t use one), people wouldn’t notice as much? Or is she maybe reading hostility in peoples’ gazes where there isn’t any?
I was at the mall once, nursing my oldest, and an old man approached me. He looked kind of stern, and I got my back up, ready for a fight. When he got closer, he said, “God bless you, mother,” gave me a sweet smile, and walked away. I was stunned.
I’m not trying to criticize your friend – and I agree that the puritanical attitude toward breastfeeding needs to go… but maybe if your friend is having a lot of issues with nursing in public, she needs to look at how she’s doing it (maybe in front of a 3 way mirror in a dressing room so she can see if she’s accidentally showing some underboob from the side that she doesn’t know is there or something) and she needs to make sure that she’s not reading more into peoples’ reactions than is really there…
But the xray tech is still a jerk. Wow.
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My friend is a sensitive person so she might be picking up on stuff that others wouldn’t notice. I love your story about the man approaching you at the mall to lend his support. Very nice.
So right about the double standard., Breasts sell cars, drinks, even websites but we still shun the healing and nurturing breast when a woman sticks it in her baby’s mouth to nourish him, make him grow and keep him healthy. Amazing.
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I wonder if the military-industrial complex has come up with a way to use breasts to sell missiles…hmm, scary thought. LOL.
I have not yet had a child, and I have not seen anyone breastfeed in public, I’m pretty sure it’d make me uncomfortable though. I do think it’s each Mother’s choice it’s funny that I read this post. My fiance had asked me one day recently, just out of the blue what I thought about public breastfeeding. I told him I didn’t know. For me, I don’t think it would be right. I am so modest, it took me until I was about 22 to start embracing the fact that I am a women, that a woman’s body is beautiful and that I shouldn’t try to hide my body. I wore bras that smooshed my boobs. So perhaps the dirty looks come from women who don’t have the confidence, and the men… perhaps men who aren’t used to women who embrace and RESPECT their own body. He actually told me he didn’t think he would have a problem with it, as long as it’s done in an appropriate manner, which from what I have heard of women breastfeeding, they typically cover up with a little blanky, it’s not like they are flopping everywhere.
Breast-feeding actually scares me, I’ve heard women attempt it and their child doesn’t want it, or it hurts too much. I’ve heard that the breast pumps are so uncomfortable and cause a lot of pain. My mother didn’t breastfeed me. I actually don’t know if she tried. Our bond is ridiculously close, so I am personally hoping it will be the same for me.
I think it’s horrible that women have to feel shamed by this. I am a furmom and people will snicker at what I will do for my furkids, I could only imagine the hurt I would feel if I was doing something I thought was beneficial for my human child and people snickered, or glared.
Huge hugs to all you Moms out there standing up for yourself. But also remember sometimes it’s not meant to be a disgusted glare, but a shocked look. I would hate for a Mom to think I was staring, so I’d probably try to hurry and look away as I wouldn’t want her to think I was a sick person watching her breastfeed her child.
xoxo – Celia
Thanks for your fantastic and honest comment. Breastfeeding can be very challenging and certainly is not “easy” for many a new mother, this is why every woman who decides to go this route deserves to have her decision supported not just by her family, but also by our society at large.
Celia, thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts. Moms everywhere salute you and your supportive comments!
I went throught the same thing when I nursed my babies. Sheesh a breast was made to feed a baby . People can be so nutty about breast.
The story says that it was Helen’s (of Troy) smile which launched a thousand ships, we bet it was her breasts!
I was actually with a friend in public who breastfed exactly like your friend (completely covered, baby and all) and some lady came up to her and said, “You really need to go into a public bathroom and do that.” I won’t tell you all of the amazing filth that fell out of my friend’s mouth in defense of her action, but I can say that I felt she was justified. I mean it is one of the most natural things in the world. I’ll admit that it used to weird me out too, but then I had to just get over it because…the kid’s gotta eat!
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Exactly…the kid’s gotta eat!
“Go to the public bathroom and do that”- WTF! Whenever we need to use the public restrooms to actually use the toilet (at the mall, at a ballgame, at the zoo, in a restaurant, etc.), let’s be honest, we all cringe just a little bit. We have no idea what kind of “facility” is going to greet us on the other side of the (“Ladies”) door. Given the usually-less-than-stellar conditions that meet us, think sanitation- or lack thereof, in public restrooms, why would any woman want to feed her baby in such a place?
Im nursing as I type this… and feel a sudden need for crappy wings and blaring TVs and half naked waitresses!
I’ve only ever once had a problem nursing in public, a waiter at Outback asked me to go into the restroom to nurse. I told him sure and asked that he have our entire table’s food delivered into the bathroom. The look he gave me was priceless… I said “so.. it’d be gross if *i* ate in the bathroom but it’s okay for my delicate, fragile infant??” He didn’t respond so I told him Oh btw, asking me to leave to nurse is against the law and I could sue the restaurant which would probably get you fired. So let’s rethink hassling nursing moms, k?
I probably had an extra side of semen in my steak after that but it was worth it!
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Okay, this wins Best Public Breast-feeding Story! Thanks for making me laugh.
I have 3 kids, breastfed 2 of them for 6 months. I am ALL FOR breastfeeding and support all these moms 100%. But sometimes, the pro-breastfeeding crowd can be a little judgmental, too. One of my kids is adopted, and was also in the NICU for a week after his birth, so neither I nor his birthmother could breastfeed him (she had a UTI when he was born and wasn’t allowed to see him for several days). So, bottles and formula it was. As so many of y’all have said, the kid had to eat! I know breastmilk would have been better, but we’re as close as any mother and son could be, and he’s every bit as smart and healthy as the two biological kids.
I guess it’s mostly people who don’t put kids’ needs first who bug me.
Thanks for sharing your story! You did what every great mom does: strive to do the best for your child, as is humanly possible.
When I started nursing my first baby I had read all the horror stories and had prepared myself with a witty response to every anticipated comment, but what happened! Nothing!! I nursed each of my babies for over two years, and I received nary a negative comment from anyone. In fact, i received many wonderful supportive comments from other mothers. I nursed my babies with a degree of awareness as to my surroundings, but often and in public. Never used a blankey because I felt like it would draw attention. Many times people were unaware my babies were nursing and thought I was just holding them close to me. I think it helped that i was very comfortable with what I was doing and would give everyone a big smile and make it out to be no big deal, which is exactly what it is. By the way, during this time I lived in two places in the Midwest, USA. Complete and utter confidence is the key. When you’re comfortable with your body and what you’re doing, the positive attitude projects outward and makes other people comfortable. Nurse on!! Those were some of the best years of my life.
Great advice!
we use “boobs/boobies” and “titties” at my house, and so what, really? (we actually call nursing “titty time” because while I understand the natural and spiritual aspects of the fact, we really don’t care to get all woo woo about it over here – we’re mammals, feeding our kids like mammals do). I’m not an intentional “lactivist” but i also breastfeed whenever and wherever I need to – and that includes walking around the grocery store, perusing the racks in Goodwill, standing around at a social event, WHATEVER… maybe it’s because i look a little intimidating (so people say, anyway) but no one’s ever said a thing to me about it – but she’s also only 4.5 months old at this point. perhaps if she was three years old i might get some “feedback” from “concerned folks” and maybe that’s when i might get up in arms, but quite frankly i hope to god my kid doesn’t still want to nurse at 3! it could happen tho.
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GO GIRL! Wow- we are impressed with the breastfeeding while “perusing the racks in Goodwill.” We’ve always thought of Goodwill rack perusal as a two-hand job!
I don’t have a problem. If the mother is discreet. Once, I was recently on the commuter train. A woman was standing, talking to another woman. Her toddler age child was in a stroller. She stood up in the stroller, lifted her mom’s shirt, and started sucking. The mother was oblivious and made no attempt to cover up. That’s an extreme case, but *shudder*.
I was nine when my younger brother was born. He nursed for quite a while. I was often with my mom when she would don a blanket and let him nurse under it. She was discreet. I never understood why people had a problem with it. Until that day on the commuter train.
What’s “extreme” about that? A child was hungry and nursed. Sounds like… breastfeeding.
I have serious issues with the “it’s fine as long as she’s discreet” line, because discretion is a) in the eye of the beholder and b) not necessarily up to the mother at all. I tend to be fairly discreet while nursing, because my son latches easily and I have small breasts (meaning less exposed flesh). Women with G-cups and squirmy babies will almost certainly show more flesh, not out of some perverse desire to flash passers-by, but simply because they *have* more flesh, and babies who don’t neatly block the view with their heads. It’s ridiculous to decide that those mothers need to skulk in a corner to nurse, while women like me can get away with it due to an accident of genetics.
My pet theory on the matter goes thusly: Viewing any body part as sexual regardless of circumstances is fetishism – whether the parts in question are lips, feet or breasts. All those body parts can certainly be sexual or sexualised in certain circumstances; they all have non-sexual purposes as well. Now, if you want to be a foot-fetishist or breast-fetishist or lip-fetishist in your own home with consenting adults, yada yada, good for you. But the minute a foot-fetishist started calling women sluts for going about barefooted, leered at women trying on shoes at the mall, or tried to legislate that ladies must stay covered toe-to-ankle in public for fear of causing offense… well, we’d all make it quite clear that he was ludicrously overstepping his boundaries.
Same goes for breastfeeding. If a person can’t recognise that breasts have non-sexual contexts, he (or she) is essentially a fetishist, and “Fine, but keep it to yourself” comes into play. It’s as absurd to shame women for baring their breasts for their hungry baby as it is to shame them for baring their breasts for their mammogram technician.
NAK :p
Breastfeeding in public shouldn’t be censored. It’s natural. And that’s what breasts are for!
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